HopeBall Leicester: The story of Nick and raising money for suicide prevention in young adults
It’s January 29th, 2015, and you get a phone call from your dad. But like every other day, your phone is on silent, so you don’t even realise that your phone is ringing until you look down and see it.
You see the call and answer, expecting it to just be another normal conversation between a father and daughter. But there was a feeling in the back of your mind telling you that there was a reason for the call and something wasn’t right.
And then you hear the words that you could never have imagined coming out of your dad's mouth. The words that have now changed your life and your family's life forever.
It was your dad telling you that your brother, Nick, had passed away.
He had committed suicide.
Nick was a typical 20-year-old, constantly up to mischief, the life of the party and always up for a drink and a laugh.
“He was fiercely loyal and had some really close friends that he’s been with forever. Very quick to argue and quick to forgive,” says Leanne Francis, Nick’s older sister.
During Nick’s teenage years, he was diagnosed with anxiety, and it was the doctor's recommendation to take medication, but he decided to not go down that route. He was very good at speaking to Leanne and the rest of his family about anything he was going through.
Surfing fun: Nick posing as he enjoys getting his picture taken.
Surfing fun: Nick posing as he enjoys getting his picture taken.
But Nick’s life changed instantaneously when his best friend, Jamie passed away. Nick struggled with the loss of his friend as it was completely out of the blue. He decided to stay at Leanne’s house for a while and managed to access counselling services.
“He’s spoken to me and my partner quite openly during that time and he just seemed to be grieving like you would expect a person to grieve,” Leanne recalls.
Around a month after Jamie’s death, Nick was continuing with his life and was working and living with a friend.
The phone call that changed everything was at 5.30pm.
Leanne learned that her dad had received a visit from police officers. They were there for one specific reason – to break the news that their son and brother had passed away.
It was a phone call that Leanne could never have imagined receiving from her dad.
“My dad had to practically hold me up and took me over to him and said, 'he just looks like he’s asleep.'”
But Leanne could see the difference. It was obvious for her. “We both scowl in our sleep. He just looked at peace and completely rested. It was just a blur,” says Leanne as she thinks back to that day.
In the days that followed after his death, Leanne was struggling to find the energy or time to eat. She remembers saying to a friend of hers: “I’ve not showered, barely eating. I'm just existing.”
Within an hour, one of them made Leanne a big dish of pasta bake, so that Leanne and her partner, Adam, had something to eat while in the process of grieving.
“That’s one of the few things that always stuck out over those few days – it was the outpouring of sympathy, with most of it being well meaning and helpful. But people just didn’t know what to say," says Leanne.
“Obviously the loss of anyone is really hard but there’s not really a word when this happens. If you lose your partner, you’ve been widowed. If you lose your parents, you’re orphaned. But when you lose a child or you lose a sibling, you’re just a weird case because it’s against the natural order of things."
Despite it being over ten years since Nick sadly passed away, Leanne still struggles with the loss of her brother, but like other families and people in a similar situation, she has learnt to live with the grief.
“You learn to live with it. There’s always something missing and the pain is always there. But it becomes part of your daily life because there’s always something that’s going to remind you of it [his death],” Leanne says, as she thinks about Nick.
Fortunately for Leanne, Nick’s social media pages are still up to this day, and every year, his friends will post on his Facebook page wishing him a happy heavenly birthday.
"It's like having a one-way pen pal"
Following Nick’s death, Leanne decided to do a 5K colour run, which was a running joke within the family as she doesn’t consider herself a runner. And through the Just Giving Page, she was able to raise £325 for Mind and £367 for Papyrus. Leanne and her mum continue to spread the good word about the charities that they raised money for.
This March, Leanne and her family are hosting a ball in memory of Nick and to raise money to donate to Papyrus.
“Nick won’t have a 21st birthday party. He’s not going to have a 30th or a 40th . The ball is a way to have a party for him,” says Leanne.
HopeBall Leicester is being held on Saturday, March 15, at 7pm at The City Rooms, in Leicester.
Tickets are available from £55 and include the drinks reception, a three-course meal, disco, raffle (with tickets available on the night), cloakroom and carriages at 12am.
As she thinks about Nick and the ball, she wants to urge people to speak up when they are suffering mentally and physically.
“Just don’t give up hope. Everyone’s fighting their own battles in different way. It’s better to talk it out, even if it’s with a stranger. Charities have people there 24/7 by text and email. There’s always someone to talk to and it’s about finding that safe place and not being afraid.”
Help is available. If you, or someone you know needs to talk, these helplines will help.
NHS - Call 111
Papyrus - Call 0800 068 41 41, text 07860 039967 or email pat@papyrus-uk.org
Samaritans - Call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) - Call 0800 58 58 58
Childline (under 19) - Call 0800 1111
SOS Silence of Suicide - Call 0808 115 1505 or email contact@sossilenceofsuicide.org
Read more.
Student Takes On Epic Challenge To Support Suicide Prevention
A dedicated University of Portsmouth student undertook an extraordinary physical challenge to raise vital funds for PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide, a national charity working to save young lives.
Breaking the barrier on men’s mental health
Male mental health was once a taboo. Men were told to ‘be strong’ and not show their emotions. But in recent years, the discussion surrounding mental wellbeing has grown, with more men getting involved in the conversation. Jess Bourne hears Steven Dunne’s story of despair and recovery.
'Talking really helps' suicide prevention campaign resources
The Public Health Agency’s ‘Talking really helps’ suicide prevention campaign encourages openness and talking in relation to feelings of anxiety, distress or crisis. The campaign aims to increase help seeking behaviour and promotes calling Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 for support.
Built with Shorthand